Barn Raising

There has been a litteral barn raising at my homestead and it reminds me of the Amish community near my hometown. My grandparents would take Jon and I there when we were kids. The Amish gave my grandfather a loan to start his business. They are amazing hard working people that cooperatively support one another and view the whole of the community as providing strength for the individual.

That's exactly what I needed in my life. My home project list was as never ending as the rain that prevented me from painting my house all year. We scraped, sanded, power washed but to no avail there wasn't 14 dry days in a row needed for the paint to take. Until the past two weeks, and with a business trip looming, the Butterfield family, my friends Adam, Brandon, and the  neighborhood kids worked 16 hour days knowing the paint on that house is the one thing keeping my refinance from helping to get my grandmother's title off my property as collateral, so that if necessary she can go to a nursing home. (PS. I love my grandmother as much or more than any human being on this planet.)

The house is painted. The estimator comes today. I depart for my business trip in the morning.

Before and after pictures coming when the trim is complete, until then here is a picture from when we started the painting project in February. We had to sand the whole house and replace rotten wood. I've learned so much, including how to run several types of saws, an angle grinder, belt sander, power washer and paint sprayer. I could go Amish or into the labor field if credit unions don't work out. (wink)

Christmas Gifts in the Tub

It was much easier to live with the bathtub in the living room for a few days than the refrigerator for a few months; and the bath rehab was a ton more fun.

 Why? Possibly the creative adventure of going potty (without a potty) or diving into my first tile job.  Honestly, I didn't think I had it in me to do all of this construction. But it was nothing compared to skydiving-or Melina, Scott and I kick starting Credit Union Strategic Planning. So why am I  timid about this construction business? I'm about to get over it. Ok, I'm over it. We are doing it. Heck, I'm doing it with a little help from my friends. I can't believe that I fooled myself into thinking this was too much for me to do as a single mom earlier this year. This year has been a blessing for affirming my faith. It's all God.


Status Check: The back house is nearing the home stretch. It now has walls, windows, doors AND the electricity was powered up this week.The countdown to 2010 is on. Dylan recieved his first A on his report card last week (and he earned several). And we added another staffer at Credit Union Strategic Planning- my old colleague and dear friend, Marilyn De Lucia.

Christmas is coming and the gifts disguised as challenges are rockin' my world. Throw some more my way, God. (I'm smiling, grateful and enjoying an occasional bathtub in the living room for a day or four.)

Merry Anything You Celebrate. Merry Christmas!

Little Girl Games

I still like to play games, little kid games. I am talking about the kind of nonsense I played with Trista. Tuesday I attempted an old game silently in my mind as I drove D-man to school in a neighborhood filled with beautiful houses. It was a game of little girl imagination along the lines of how many kids do you want to have? What do you want to be when you grow up? It was which house do you want to live in?

I always chose the little white one beside Dr. McDonalds' (both of them) office in downtown Bolivar. The one with the Bolivar sign in the front yard. It was the way they manicured the lawn with kris-cross perfection, and kept the home freshly painted. These people LOVED their home. It wasn't decadent. Ironically, my parents' home was four, maybe six times as big- with a HUGE swimming pool.

On the drive to Dylan's school, I thought what a great life visualization exercise. What is my favorite home in this incredible neighborhood near Dylan's school; Only to be frustrated by my inability to choose. None of the houses were my favorite house. I felt slightly defeated. Why couldn't I choose? It's an easy game.

Lets bring this ship into port. I sat on my porch swing this morning watching the pups do their bidness. Two middle school girls walked by. One paused in the sidewalk and turned to me, "Your house is beautiful. It's my favorite house. I look at it everyday.” And blough like a steam roller- it hit me.

My home is my favorite house. I love this house. I even told the girl, "Thank you. Thank you for telling me that you love my home. I love my home. I work on it all the time. This summer I climbed up onto the roof myself to paint the trim."

Just like the people in the little house in Bolivar, I love my home. Apparently that love is something that little girl's dreams are made of. I'm living my own dream. Bliss.

Now off to make money to pay for that paint (wink). Special thanks to my Grandma Jeanne for the love that she put into my life and home. I am grateful.

Yo Quiero- We got a puppy dog!

Dylan has been asking for a Chihuahua for over a year. Not just any dog- a Chihuahua. As we've been living in peace and harmony with new rules and respect in the house I was actually thinking about it. During the past year, I've always said, "No way." I haven't really liked a dog since my dachshund when I was a little girl. And ooooh the responsibility (wrinkled brow and sigh.)

Well the lesson at Genesis this week was about feeling joy. I almost felt like Rev. Charles was speaking right to me about letting go of the need to work too hard and taking life too seriously. Separately we had a great conversation about the lightness he's seen return in my spirit during the last month. Of course I busted out a famous machine gun laugh to celebrate the call for free, joyous expression.



Along those lines, I had a joyous weekend and on Sunday night God sent more joy to our house. My friend showed up with not one, but two Chihuahua puppies in need of a good home. The big fat begging lip showed up on Dyan's adorable face. I thought to myself, "Ok, God, I hear ya."

We played, laughed, rolled around with the disgustingly adorable spotted, blue eyed pup.

After much deliberation (I am still very serious.) and agreements with Dylan about responsibilities and chores- we decided to keep her. We didn't keep both pups, but we are now a family complete with one disgustingly adorable salt and pepper spotted, blue eyed chihuahua puppy.

Now for a name...Suggestions. I was thinking Faith? or Joy?

Last week before school

It's the last week before school starts and what does that mean for kids? It's the last week to help mom out! (hehe) Actually, Dylan's been at his grandparents in Portland for most of the Summer. It has been a joy to have him back.

I've grown as a parent during these few short months. I realized we needed a few rules, boundaries and for me to clearly communicate my expectations- so he could exceed them. And boy was this the best idea I've ever had. He loves that I am letting him know what to expect up front. So much so, that he looked forward to his chore of washing the car, told me that it was his bed time and offered to make me coffee in the morning.

I can't imagine the coffee making is a permanent thing, but I believe the respect is sustainable. I realized that being consistent with bed time, home work time and expressed rules and consequences is actually showing him respect. We reap what we sow.

It's going to be a great year.

Can't beat the heat- join it!

We are experiencing a record breaking heat wave in Tacoma- AND loving it. Dylan is embracing the opportunity to swim with his friends everyday. My best friend Robbi lived in LA for many years and like Dylan is enthralled with the heat. How could I do anything but join in the fun? While Robbi stained furniture in the 102 degree heat, I layed a brick patio. This photo shows the pristine nature of her artistic staining and the filthy, back breaking truth of my brick paving.

We ended the evening with Uncle Jon and Jess. I made dinner and the whole gang enjoyed homeade ice cream. We busted out the ice cream maker that dad and mom used when we were kids.

Transition to the Present and Future

I am filled with joy that Dylan comes home this weekend. Plans are for a night of volunteering with friends on Saturday, Genesis and meditation on Sunday morning and old-fashioned ice cream making Sunday in the heat of the day.

In the mean time, Dylan’s trip to Portland (and its divine timing) created a graceful transition of Luke out of our lives without causing Dylan more sadness. Little guy was as shocked and torn up as I was. The truck came and went this weekend and God opened a new door for a dependable, honest, caring man to walk into our lives to love us and let us love him - WHEN we are ready.

Counter balancing the move, my dear friend Robbi provided inspiring entertainment to ensure my focus remained on the present and future- not fantasies of a false past. I can see now that I was wrong about Luke being my life partner and that many good things came from it. As a single mom, I would never have started my business if I didn’t think I had the stable backing of a caring, dependable partner. And I love my business. Melina, Scott and I are doing phenomenal work. We've written $10 million in US Treasury grants with clients from New York to Hawaii. The world can only continue to reward our hard work, vision and talent. Thank God Luke was in my life at the time, so I would have that false sense of security to take the leap of faith to start this business. It really is a miracle. My friend Stacy had tears of pride in her eyes when we talked about the impact our work is having to make the world a better place.

Speaking of miracles, everything my mom, brother and I planted from seed has sprouted. Every single plant is in full bloom in the "garden of goodness." I cooked the first meal from the garden this weekend. It was a fun Sunday, getting filthy dirty and the perfect juxtaposition after attending a Gala event with Robbi on Friday.


On the home front: The shingles are on the house. This was a top priority to protect the exposed insulation. I felt very overwhelmed about all that needed to be done when Luke first left. I’m so grateful that this is off the list. And a generous electrician volunteered to bring the electrical wiring up to code. This also scared the hell out of me. We couldn’t even pass inspection and I didn’t know a darn thing about electricity. Now to figure out how to finish the tiling that has part of the floor exposed. I’m tackling one thing at a time.


For now it’s a good mix of accepting best friend love, reflection and centering, a whole gob of welcome home Dylan hugs and a focus on small tasks to make this house a home again. Ok work and personal development are in the mix too. Robbi and I both registered for the August Landmark Forum Class.

In the end God’s plans are more beautiful and natural than my ideas. There were and continue to be many gifts through this life experience. So I am surrendering .

Doing Good

Back in the day (elementary school), I had a tormenting friendship with the boy who went to my church and lived at the end of the street. He was a stinker and I was a prissy little girl. In middle school, he fell (or I pushed him) off of his trampoline. In high school, he had a visible hump on his back. I always felt guilty (because he teased) that I gave him that hump during the famed "trampoline incident." We were good buddies through the tormenting, teasing and life's accidents. Our first jobs were at the strawberry farm together. We were in drivers ed. together and even confirmed and left our church at the same time when they fired our beloved minister. We graduated high school and haven't seen each other since.

He called today and it's been over 15 years. He heard of Dylan's and my heart break, my facing life's challenges head on and like so many other friends was just extending his friendship (over miles and years). He called to offer to come out and help me with my home construction woes and to give pearls of wisdom about life, kids and common sense. One of the many things he said that touched me,

"If you do nice things and you're a good person, people will help you."

(even after you push them off a trampoline, apparently)

His wife and kids are lucky to have him, as am I to have such a wise friend.

Writing of friends and doing good, Melina and I had a great trip to Loon Lake to support our friend Demaris. We shared our gifts: Melina sang at her wedding and I took the photos.

Demaris was a beautiful bride.

Thanks

A genuine and vulnerable message to friends and family:

I am grateful for your love and support. It's been a hard time. To remain authentic, I have not posted any vibrantly happy pictures during the last month. This post is just to let you know that the ground is solid and I am landing on my feet. Dylan is visiting his grandparents in Portland as I mange our life transition. We will soon be back in Ohio for an extended visit to heal and feel the warmth and security that embraces children when they visit mom. Mom, I can imagine your hug now.

As for this traumatic experience, it has been an unexpected gift. Friends have placed supportive hands under my arms, as I pull myself back to my feet. Furniture, construction help and prayers have come in endless supply from local business friends and our spiritual center. An electrician even volunteered to finish the half-done project of our kitchen that won't pass inspection. Friends will teach me how to place the shingles that leave our home vulnerable to the weather. By surrendering to grace, a contract came in that will ensure that Dylan and I can keep our home. When we received the call, I shared tears of joy with Melina (my biz partner). Our clients saw the results of our work and asked for more- at what was really the moment of truth. With God's perfect timing, after two month's of panic attacks related to finances and a fear of abandonment that actually came true, the contract came in the day after the negativity and dishonesty walked out the front door. (Said with compassion that it is not meant to shame someone I care for so deeply.) When it appeared all was lost, all there was to do was pray. The results are affirming, reminders to choose faith over fear.

The state of shock is passing. Life is getting better every day. The heartbreak and empathy is still raw. It's hard to decisively let go of someone you love when they are making destructive choices, but necessary. And what appears as destructive or selfish from my perspective is different from another's shoes. It is a healthy choice for the people we love to be real, even when the person they choose to be harms us. We can't be what someone else wants us to be, even when it is humane or loyal- if it is not who we are. I'm just glad to see the truth now. Thank God it was just during financial crisis not while facing illness or tragedy. My love for myself and the man I've loved so well- remains steadfast even with the need to maintain the separation. That love lives in the belief in our separate, personal growth.

As Einstein lived so profoundly, "In adversity there is opportunity." Yes, I am saddened by the disappointment. Concurrently, I am joyous about the opportunity for personal growth and to surrender to God's grace. Beyond those profound gifts, like never before I am able to see and receive the love-of friends, family and community. As the truth unfolds more and more beautiful opportunities are emerging. We must be on the right path. The good I am putting out into the world is coming back to me magnified by ten.

I have remarkable work to do in the world. Thank so many of you for sharing these words. I am listening and ready again to instigate goodness.

Be well. As will I.

Deep gratitude to you: Marilyn, Melina, Robbi, Scott, Shayne,Lois, Ed, Jenn, Joshua, Mom, Jon, Jess, my neighbors, David, Vic, Stacy, Mary and Jim, Reider, Brian, Dad, Grandma, Jake, Linda and Sue. Your love is a treasured gift.

Happy Birthday and Big Homework

We celebrated Dylan's first double-digit birthday. He's officially a "big boy." Although, he'd be mortified by my saying that. It was a great party with lots of goofing around. Grandma Mary, Papa Jim, my brother and Luke were all there.

Homework
Then we went back to school and work. Oh yes, the real world does exist after the party. Dylan and I have been doing our homework together. His new teacher is great. She sends spelling lists to both of Dylan's homes.

It's also a big month for Melina and I. We are so excited about how well things are going at Credit Union Strategic Planning. A team of us are writing $12 million in US Treasury grant applications for Community Development Financial Institutions this month. To say the least, it's nose to the grindstone and pencils behind the ear.